Oh, Lover Boy. Last night we spent an hour or two on the phone like we do every few weeks. I told him then "Sometimes I like you. Other times, a good majority of the time, I hate you so much because you frustrate me too easily. Tonight is one of those times." but still neither of us hung up. That's one of the many things I find so amazing about him. So today we spent a few but all too brief hours together. We rode up into the snow tipped mountains, though it was around 26 degrees with the wind chill. So we stayed in his car, watching brave hikers, talking about nothing and yet everything.
Lover Boy: What do you want?
Me: There are lots of things I want. It doesn't mean I'll ever get them.
Lover Boy: So what do you want?
Me: A lot of things that are pointless to what we're doing.
Lover Boy: Things like...
Me: Um.....a million dollars.
Lover Boy: And what else?
Me: I don't know. A lot of things. I want more snow. I want a better jacket because I'm really cold. I want to go to Europe to backpack. I want to dance like nobody is watching yet everyone is. I want to be able to sing. I want to punch Arch Nemesis in his arrogant face. I want to punch Pompous Prick in his arrogant face too. I want to punch anyone actually. I want a best friend who doesn't have a penis. I want an unlimited shopping spree. I want to learn how to hula hoop. I want to stop loving Bestest and I want to stop hating Bestest. I want...hell, I just want things, okay?
At this point he leans over and just takes me in his arms gently. I wish I could say I wasn't shocked but I was. Completely and utterly shocked because Lover Boy, though sweet in his own way, isn't a very comforting soul. He see things a different way than I do and I envy his ability to rationalize love. It's a skill he has perfected and controlled so when he embraced me into his warmth, I did hesitate. But no more than a brief second for then I was greedily clinging to him. In all my life, very few people have had the ability to make me feel safe and he's one of them so I enjoyed every last second of his tender hold. One hand rubbed affectionate circles in the small of my back while his other twisted up into my hair. He knows what that does to me and he knew I was aware of him abusing his power over me as I sighed and collapsed against him. His voice echoed sweetly in my ear.
Lover Boy: I think you just want someone to talk to, to hang out with, and to hold you like this. I think that's all you really want.
Me: Mm you know how I said sometimes I like you?
Lover Boy: Mhm...
Me: This is one of those times.