Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Oh, Daddy.

It started out barely as a touch.
Secrets lies and fear, they controlled me
Then by six was more by so much.
Stolen childhood, by the way he'd scold me

Beat me bloody but I cried never.
Fists stopped hitting, hands stopped touching,
But those words, they'll stay forever.
And I much prefered his painful punching

"You fat pig", "You worthless cow",
"You lazy whore", they are still here.
Loud and clear I hear him now
All his screaming taunts echo in my ear

Though several years it has been,
I dream his face, his angry eyes,
And I carry on what happened back then.
I keep his secrets, I tell the lies.

I still tell myself those words he screamed.
I continue on with all his abuses.
I deny myself pleasure, hope, and dreams,
Food, love, happiness, and I make no excuses.

I watch myself suffer and find sick pleasure.
In my way, it's how I prove him wrong.
In my scars, I find my own sweet treasure.
In my pain, I make myself strong.

At times, I wish I were safe.
At times, I wish I were sane.
But I know it's far too late,
And still I accept the blame.

2 comments:

  1. Love the rhyming. child abuse is such a common and yet unspoken thing.

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  2. Thank you for your courage to write about such painful memories. Someone will read this and know that they are not alone and that they will survive too.- G

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