It started out barely as a touch.
Secrets lies and fear, they controlled me
Then by six was more by so much.
Stolen childhood, by the way he'd scold me
Beat me bloody but I cried never.
Fists stopped hitting, hands stopped touching,
But those words, they'll stay forever.
And I much prefered his painful punching
"You fat pig", "You worthless cow",
"You lazy whore", they are still here.
Loud and clear I hear him now
All his screaming taunts echo in my ear
Though several years it has been,
I dream his face, his angry eyes,
And I carry on what happened back then.
I keep his secrets, I tell the lies.
I still tell myself those words he screamed.
I continue on with all his abuses.
I deny myself pleasure, hope, and dreams,
Food, love, happiness, and I make no excuses.
I watch myself suffer and find sick pleasure.
In my way, it's how I prove him wrong.
In my scars, I find my own sweet treasure.
In my pain, I make myself strong.
At times, I wish I were safe.
At times, I wish I were sane.
But I know it's far too late,
And still I accept the blame.