Are you happy? I ask this only in love because you are worrying me lately. I see you on the edge of the little shampoo holder that I never use for my shampoo and you simply stare at me with longing moonlight silver blades. Sometimes I avoid of your gaze because there is such an aching need in them that I'm not in the mood to satisfy. Last week, I told you that I had a headache and that was a lie. I'm sorry. And each time I step into the shower, I know I tease you a little with a few quick strokes. I guess to rid myself of guilt but more often, to appease society's qualm with women having armpit hair. Are you content with this?
You know I'm only using you for your body and still you stay. A quickie here and there. Except today it lasted a good five minutes didn't it? It's been weeks, since around the first of the year actually. Your touch upon my legs felt wonderful as it always does. I'm sorry it's been so long. I just got caught up in other things. You know how it is, right? When it's snowing and cold like it's been, I turn to pajama pants and jeans for comfort. They don't judge me for not shaving my legs. Sometimes I even think they like it a little more natural. And I don't have a lover right now so there's no one but my pants to impress. I'll try to make more time for you during the rest of the winter but I can't promise you anything. Today was great though.
Oh God, you never fail to please me. Every single time, you overtake me and there's no hygienic product that I love more than you. Yes, you heard me. I love you. And I know you love me too. This is no meaningless fling like Conditioner or friends with benefits like with Razor. This is an amazing relationship which satisfies me in every single way. I hope you feel the same because I'm trying my hardest.
Every time the warm water sinks into my mess of hair and touches the roots, I begin shaking at the thought of your touch. I reach for you and with a few eager pumps, you ooze into my hand. You have no idea how much the sight of this excites me. Quickly I slide my covered hand into my hair and work your magical goodness all into it. Some showers, I do this two, maybe three, sometimes even four, times because you make me feel sooo damn good. I love to lather, rinse, and repeat with you. Those three words are probably three of the sexiest words I've ever heard. Just the thought of them sends shivers down my auburn locks.
And I know, I know that I ask too much of you because you not only give yourself to my hair, you allow me to smear you across my body. I guess it's because you know how lazy I am and how needy Soap gets so you're willing to take over Soap's job while excelling at yours. Please don't forget how much I need you. I have Soap's number in case you ever run low on energy but the last time we interacted, I forgot to ask about its ingredients and I ended up rubbing dead animal bones all over my body. I trust you and know that you'd never trick me like that. I love you, Shampoo. I love you so damn much.
Love, love, LOVE,
Dear Belly Button,
This just a little note to say thanks. I don't think I've ever actually thanked you for helping to feed me. It was a long nine months inside my mother's womb but you never quit and because of your dedication, I came out a nice, healthy baby at 8lbs 6oz. You and Umbilical Cord were a beautiful couple. So much love and trust there. You were my parents before I was born. Together you nurtured and cared for me, even when I kicked and threw tantrums because I didn't like being grounded. Those teenage weeks were hell for you and I said some things that I wish I could talk back but I did it only because you adored me so much. Now that I'm in the world, I've heard people say that you hurt the ones who love you the most because you trust that they won't leave. And I believe that's why I had my rebellious phase.
This is was time for me to be born. That's when you discovered the betrayal. When you found out that Umbilical cord was cheating on you with Placenta, I know you were heartbroken but still you were strong and in order to protect me, you cut the cord. It was like a battlefield wound for a few weeks, all bloody and gruesome but slowly the hurtful scab fell away and left you more beautiful than ever. You still are beautiful to this day. It's been a long journey but you stayed the petite innie you always were. And I want to thank you for that. Thank you for feeding me when I was a fetus. Thank you for the lint you'd gather when I was little to try and keep me warm. Thank you for the endless entertainment of smushing you and Stomach together to make faces. Thank you so much, Belly Button. Maybe one day, I'll get you a nice piece of jewelry in order to repay you. I bet you'd like that.