Monday, February 8, 2010

A little bit of exposure

I have to admit it takes quite a bit to make me cry. And here I'm using the word cry in the sense that I actually care so much that I can not stop the tears. If I don't state that clearly, there might be some debate about this because most of my friends say I'm an emotional person. They think I care too much, worry too often, and cry too many tears. And they tell me it's all in a good way. But as I've said I don't trust that many people and therefore not many people have actually seen me cry. Yes they've seen me shed tears but not cry because they haven't earned that part of me. A lot of guys have held me when I let the tears flow and a lot of girls have hugged me, wiping the tears from my cheeks. So you can see how they think I'm one of those emotional, feeling types of people when in reality, it's all an act for them. It's a front I put on because I give myself off as an extremist. I'm either always happy or I'm horribly sad. It's usually the former when I perform daily. I guess it comes from having bipolar disorder. Or borderline personality disorder. Or severe depression with manic episodes. Or whatever they are calling me nowadays. I can't keep up. But no matter what they try to label me as, they'll never get it right. There's so much more to me than it's possible to see. And then I saw this:

It made me cry. It made me cry so much because this is a constant fight I have with my own dad nearly every day. And it breaks my heart to know that there are other people in the world who have to hurt like I do. Huh...I'm starting to cry again at the thought of all this. Well as I said, it takes a quite a bit to make me cry. And this more than I can control.

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