Thursday, April 29, 2010


Do they mean anything? Are they our subconscious trying to reveal something hidden away? Or are they just mindless brain babble drooling into our slumber? If you dream of the past, does that mean you haven't let go of it? If you dream of the future, are you trying to escape your present? And If you dream in fantasy, are you unhappy with reality?

When I kiss his soft lips, am I in love? When our fingers intertwine, why do I feel so flush? When he smiles at me, can I make myself stop grinning back? And if I can, do I really want?

Lately I've been dreaming of this kid. It's disturbing me because he is not someone I should be thinking of as I rest my wear soul. To say I dislike him would be an understatement. To say I loathe him would be playing nice and when it comes to him, I don't do nice. I could understand if he was merely a participant or a bystander or even a victim in my dreams. But he isn't. He is the dream, my dream. Everything seems to revolve around him, me, us.

He hasn't spoken a word to me in months, though I see him nearly every day. But in my dreams, his gentle voice speaks to me in the tone of a lover. And the only time his laughter has anything to do with me is to chuckle at my misfortune yet as I dream, our laughs mingle and taste of sugar. And even though I catch my gaze searching a crowed room for him, he barely, if ever, glances my way. Except last night, oh last night he had eyes only for me.

These dreams have me lost in confusion, searching for an answer, a solution, something. But the more I think, the harder it becomes. I can't even focus in my studies for my thoughts drift ot him. It was bad enough he's been plaguing my dreams, but now he is infecting my days.

Could I be worrying too much? Maybe it's merely a fluke, a silly mistake in the imaging of my mind because I know I don't love him. How could I possibly when my heart belongs to another? And be sure that it does belong to another. A boy who is sweet and caring, who respects me despite my past, who sends lightning through my body with every kiss. That is who I should be dreaming of. But I'm not and it's ever so perplexing.

I just hope the dreams remain dreams and they pass like the winds of the night.

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