Saturday, March 26, 2011

A sad little rant.

Can I tell you a secret?

I’m scared. Terrified, actually. In five months, only five short months, I will be moving out and moving into a dorm with a stranger over four hours away from my home and the only town I’ve ever truly known. I can barely handle my life right now with school and friends and family and competitions. How on earth am I going to handle life without the support system that I’ve come to depend on in the past seventeen years of my life? What if I fail?

What if I fail…

Neither of my brothers went off to college like my whole family planned for them to. One has played around in community college for so many years but in May, I’ll be getting an associate’s degree before him. They are smarter than me. Everyone knows that. They never had to try as hard as I have. Everything from math to English came easy for them. And their teachers loved them because they were the perfect students. I fall asleep in class and sometimes forget to turn in my work.

But I’m the one leaving. I’m the one going to a big kid university and I’m not as good as my brothers. What will everyone say about me if I cannot handle it? My family already prefers my brothers and little sister. My grandmother, uncle, and great grandmother love the oh so talented and artistic photographer. My nana just adores the hippie who refuses to wear shoes anymore. And everyone else, every other single person loves my darling, sweet, bashful little sister who does no wrong. Even my dad. Who isn’t her dad. Even he prefers her over me.

If I fail, they’ll just have another reason not to love me.

1 comment:

  1. We're here for ya. And I promise you, I won't friggin let you fail. Because I'm gonna need your support just as much bud. You'll do it. I know you will.