I just got home (that would be 2am Eastern Time) yet I still taste the smoke on my lips and shake from the bitter wind's bite. It was around 17 degrees tonight, not including the wind chill which was probably around -43975837584383 degrees. I stood outside for well past two hours with a girl I despise, a boy I've never even met, a once in a blue moon friend, an ex-lover, and my brother. We huddled around a make shift fire that we carelessly threw together with cardboard, sticks, a phone book, and a whole lot of kerosene. The heat was a welcomed relief considering we had just spent nearly an hour pushing a car steeply up an ice covered hill. For me, I just wanted to enjoy the heat and relax in the somewhat pleasant company. But with my brother, things are never really that simple. He had fireworks of course. It was...interesting to say the least. At some point during the throwing into the pit and fleeing into the woods while being chased by little bits of ash and sparks, I found myself slipping my frozen fingers in my former beau's pocket to take his incredibly warm hand. After that, I was sort of in a euphoric state 'cause, you see, he's "the boy that ruined me for all other guys." That sounds like a bad thing but not so much. He's my first love. And no, I'm talking about puppy dog, freshman crush, silly butterflies first love. No, he was the first person I was willing to cry for, lie for, die for. So no matter what a few of those feelings will always crowd my cross stitched heart and being with him tonight just made me happy, regardless my intellectual side knows better. Then after the cold finally got to us, the drive home was like that of an alternative punk song. We had the heat on full blast and the stereo blasting Say Anything. Way past curfew, the road was ours for the taking and we drove like there was no one waiting at the end of the ride. Right now, I'm on a rush of love, life, laughter, and other 'L' words to fit into my alliteration there. I just thought I'd share this quick little summary so in a few weeks, when my world is going down hill again, I'll read it and the memory will bring a smile to the lips he so softly kissed good night.
No it's not right,
For us to be together tonight.
But I'm not going to argue,
'Cause I'll admit I've missed you.
And you're warm while I'm cold.
So do as you're told
And keep me here by the fire,
Who cares if they see our desire?
I think it's kind of sweet,
The way you're sharing body heat.
And you kiss the tip of my nose,
While I lose feeling in my toes.
So now I look into those river mud eyes
I ask if we can screw these guys,
Can we just get in the car and go?
Wherever, they don't need to know.
You laugh at me and I melt.
It's all those old feelings I forgot I felt.
Still you take my hand and we're gone,
We're gone in a race to the dawn.