I'm pretty sure I'm in love with someone who does not exist. But it's okay 'cause if he doesn't know me, he can't reject me, right? Except I think he already has turned me down by not having audacity to be real. Does it work like that? Can it work like that? What if I said pretty please and got down on my knees? Can my life be that way?
No? Well...you suck.
I don't know what I'm doing. Shouldn't I know? Wait, no, I know you're thinking something like "Oh well nobody really knows what their doing!" which I guess is true except I'm pretty sure they have more of an idea than I do. Truly, my general plan right now is simply to remember to breath and it seems like I've even been forgetting that. I woke up last night ensnared in countless blankets, overheating, but I kept my eyes shut and it wasn't until my lungs started burning and my throat tightened that I actually inhaled the lukewarm air. Part of me didn't really want to take that breathe but I did. I guess that's how most of my life is. I don't ever want to take the next step but I do it 'cause I know I'm supposed to. I hate the feeling of obligation and the need of making everyone else satisfied 'cause you know what? For once, I just want to be selfish.
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