Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Needs vs. Wants

I'm pretty sure I'm in love with someone who does not exist. But it's okay 'cause if he doesn't know me, he can't reject me, right? Except I think he already has turned me down by not having audacity to be real. Does it work like that? Can it work like that? What if I said pretty please and got down on my knees? Can my life be that way?

No? Well...you suck.

I don't know what I'm doing. Shouldn't I know? Wait, no, I know you're thinking something like "Oh well nobody really knows what their doing!" which I guess is true except I'm pretty sure they have more of an idea than I do. Truly, my general plan right now is simply to remember to breath and it seems like I've even been forgetting that. I woke up last night ensnared in countless blankets, overheating, but I kept my eyes shut and it wasn't until my lungs started burning and my throat tightened that I actually inhaled the lukewarm air. Part of me didn't really want to take that breathe but I did. I guess that's how most of my life is. I don't ever want to take the next step but I do it 'cause I know I'm supposed to. I hate the feeling of obligation and the need of making everyone else satisfied 'cause you know what? For once, I just want to be selfish.

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