Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year Resolutions

Dear 2011,

             It's true we haven't known each other long but I have a few teensy, weensy, tiny requests. My last year, 2010, don't get me wrong, it was great. But some things didn't go so well and in my opinion, you and I can do it better this time around. As long as you listen to me and do everything I say the minute I say it so I don't have to hit you again! Just kidding. Wow. Bad joke. I apologize, 2011. I thought it would be a little while before I humiliated myself in front of you.
             First of all, please help me stop drinking soft drinks. They are an addiction and I've yet to find a support group for it. While I love them and need them, every time I go a few days without a sip of Dr. Pepper, the withdrawals become a bitch. So I quench my thirst and once again, I'm a lovely little lady again. But then I get the notion to take my addiction and heavily BDSM it. Sadly, I've been unable to control this on my own. However, together, I think we can beat my disease in the coming months, hopefully weeks.
             And I have this list of books I want to read. Can you please try not to have so many wonderful things happen when I want to focus on reading? 2010 and I had this problem. It really frustrated me. Every time I would settle down in a comfy position and crack open a new novel, something would come along and sweep me away. Since I am very easily distracted, it would take me weeks, if not months, to return to my intellectual pursuits. That's a lie. They were pleasure pursuits which sound kind of dirty but they weren't. Usually...
             Thirdly, let me know if "thirdly" is a word. 2010 never corrected me on spelling and grammar mistakes which tends to frustrate me. Let us expand our vernacular. We shall cultivate our intellect and acquire a Word of the Day calendar or something of that sort, eh?
             Now, don't get jealous, but I have this blog, okay? And I'm sad to say I'm not as dedicated as I was once. Like with reading and distractions, 2010 didn't allow me much free time to write or scribble or tell little tidbits of my life to strangers  unknown friends on the interwebs. Please help me change this. I know you'll be more understanding than my last year as it dwindled down. Maybe three times a week minimum? That doesn't sound too hard.
             And maybe, maybe if it isn't too much trouble, by summer, can I wear a bikini? I mean I could wear one now and I did last summer without blinding anyone but for once, I'd like to wear a bikini and not constantly glance over my shoulder to assure myself no one is vomitting in disgust. Yes, I know nearly all girls want to lose weight and a vast amount of guys do as well. I'm a bit cliché in that way. (And it's true sometimes I do rhyme.) We can renew our Y membership that expired two months ago and work on that "bootay". Is that how the kids are saying it these days? Ya know I can never keep up.
             Okay, 2011, I think that's it. I hope so at least. I'll be graduating this May from community college and high school in June as well as turning 18. This fall, I'll be living hours from home with a complete stranger. She might sleep walk or leave thongs lying around or let mildew grow in our room or have sex with random guys during the middle of the night when she thinks I'm sleeping but oh no, I'll hear every sound. What if I become that girl?!? 2011, let's be careful.



  1. Oh wow. I think I need to get in on your soft drink + book plans :) let's make 2011 proud! haha

    oh, and I believe the kids refer to it as booootay. can't forget those extra o's, just a heads up ;D

  2. I had a love-hate relationship with 2010. And yeah, I have that kind of addiction with coca cola. Withdrawals are truly a bitch.

    I think "thirdly" is a word. im with you on your reading plan =)

  3. Ducky - Ahaha! I'll try and remember those extra O's next time! :D

    Bakayabi - Sometimes bitch is an understatement :)

  4. when you get a chance to speak with 2011 again, can you inform it that it needs to get over itself and be good?

    it is already driving me crazy.