Appearance and Boyfriends

Okay basically I keep thinking about this over and over again and I just want to say (type) it out loud to get it out of my system. So what it is is this. I'm...not unattractive? I mean, I feel pretty maybe twice a month but most days, I don't really like anything about my physical appearance but I know other people think I'm pretty. I've been called hot, sexy, fine, cute, adorable, pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, blah blah blah. I don't exactly agree with all of those but in my head, I guess I know that I'm not ugly.


Which brings me to my boyfriend. To me, he's one of the cutest guys I've ever met. When he smiles, I can't help but smile back. I could just stare at him for hours and enjoy every second. His picture has been the background on my phone for months, even before we started dating officially. But just as I know I'm not unattractive to most people...I know that he isn't exactly attractive to them.

But I don't care what other people think. He's adorable and handsome in my eyes. And I understand that loving someone's personality basically makes them more physically pleasing to you just as someone who annoys you is more likely to be ugly in your opinion. So what it comes down to is I don't think I'm pretty even though majority of people would say I am and I think he's amazing to look at whereas not as many people would agree.

My mom happened to blatantly point this out this other when I asked what she thought of him. I'll be honest, it had crossed my mind before but once she remarked upon it, I haven't gotten it out of my head. Her opinion is that I knowingly or subconciously, most likely the latter, choose guys who aren't as attractive as me so I'll be the better looking one in the couple and therefore more focus would be drawn to me, leading to more praise and compliments which in turn boosts my self-esteem and makes me feel more worthwhile and better.

So I started thinking about it. And I don't know if she's right or not but most of the guys I've dated or been involved with, they aren't that attractive in society's view. I don't know if maybe just my taste in what's attractive is different than the norm or if I really do choose less attractive guys to make me feel better about myself. I look at all my couple friends and I don't see as noticeable a difference in their levels of attractive-ness as I see in my boyfriend and I.

I mean, I love him and if he was identical looking to Brad Pitt, I'd still love him just as much as I'd love him if he looked like E.T. Well...actually I don't know. E.T. gave me nightmares