Stork?

I guess I can say it now. It's been twelve weeks and isn't that when people usually spread the word?

I'm going to be an aunt. And honestly, I'm conflicted as to whether I openly celebrate or passively mourn. This may seem slightly mean to say but it's how I'm feeling.

You see, I love my brother. I've loved him since the day I was born and I'll love him until the day I die. As I grew up, I learned how to accept others with disorders because I spent my life loving him despite the pain of him being bipolar. During depressed episodes, he wouldn't come out of his room. He'd simply stay in there and spend hours upon hours on the computer until he fell asleep, face smashed against the keyboard. I'd bring him food and drink. There was this unspoken connection between us and as I've gotten older, maybe it has faded slightly. But though we may have our battles and extreme differences, I know he will always be there for me.

I just don't love his wife. She was his first love and so he will always adore her but ever since they began their relationship, he has spiraled downward to a pit of misery that none of us can save him from. We've all tried but to no avail.

So maybe it seems a little cruel or harsh to you but I'm not sure I'm excited right now. I know when I first hold my niece or nephew, I will love the child more than any aunt has ever done so before. Just...

I'm not there yet.

Nighttime Guardian

flickering back and forth
twitching in the dark air
so beautiful, so dangerous
we cannot help but stare

the words sound cliché
as i whisper in your ear
to tell you sweet nothings
and qualm your endless fear

holding on tight to love
i admit that i am scared too
everything be can so fleeting
and in this darkness, i need you

your hair smells like lilacs
a soft glow upon your skin
as tired you breathes out
and vigilant i breathe in

for the first time i feel safe
as i watch you fall away
and escape cruel reality
till the break of another day

and i will stay to watch you
dreaming in the candlelight
and i will stay always here
protecting you in the night

Lyric

"I can live without you, but without you I'd be miserable at best."

I love songs. I love the rythym, the beat, the melody.

But more than that, I love lyrics because they can be

beautiful. They can be heartbreaking. Sweet. Forceful.

Terrifying. Honest. Uplifting. Joyous. Sad. Hurtful. They

are more than words when someone is singing to you.

And yes, I meant singing to you because isn't that what

everyone really thinks when they listen to a song? It's

about them, for them, because of them, even when it

never really is and we all know that. Still it's hard not to

become lost in a song's world. As for the quote, isn't

it so...ah, I can't even think of an adequate word. It

makes me smile but one of those hesitant, soft smiles

that really only plays at your lips and never fully shows.

I think most people are looking for that, that kind of

love. I know I am because it's the most amazing 

feeling there is, right? And I'm not generalizing it into a

romantic type of love but just one of great need for

the other person like a mother to a child. Is it not

what makes the world go round? 

How?

How can one person be so completely and utterly unlovable?