Day 20

Dear Diary,

Getting out of bed is easier
Things are better than they were
Now I can smile happily outside
And I'm slowly working on the inside
It's just a matter of time I guess
But oh today I wore that new dress
You know the pretty blue one
I bought it when I got my nails done
Stepping out today, I was so pretty
Nobody looked at me with eyes of pity
They know I'm getting stronger
The pain shouldn't last much longer
And in class I laughed as I had before
But this time it wasn't really a chore
It felt right and it felt good
It felt like I forgot it could
In that moment I didn't care he wasn't mine
So I chose to walk home in the sunshine
The air was crisp but I didn't care
There was still some snow here and there
But green grass had started poking through
Oh Diary I wish I could have shown you
How the wind caressed the trees
And the smell of winter carried on the breeze
The way the clouds kissed the horizon
And the feel of being held by the sun
I've spent too long in my blackened abyss
I forgot about the beauty of this
This world I was beginning to hate
So now I'm praying it's not too late.

Attempt

You're like taking a walk
Through a street of broken bottles,
Empty syringes, and used prophylatics.

And I'm ready to run
'Cause on this walk,
The leash is choking me.

Rope burn on this ivory neck,
Called my lover's kiss.

But the truth is as obvious
As the laughter in their eyes
As the eloquence in duplicity
And the caress of your backhand

So tomorrow I will
Run and run and
Come in last place yet again
Being the winner than I am.

Darling Paul**

I need not your sympathy,
And please keep your pathetic pity.
There's no need even to pretend.
You're the fakest kind of friend.

Your so called love is ever so toxic,
And all you think with is your tiny dick.
You always got off on me crying,
Yet now babe, I'm through with trying.

Time and time you would apologize,
But I'm giving up on this life of lies.
There were one too many promises broke.
Now I've realized just in time, you're a joke.

So please don't text me or write or call.
I don't wanna hear from you at all.
When you said you cared, I should've known,
But now I hope you die alone.

You may think you're oh so smart and cute and amazing because some dumb girl told you that. Well, okay, maybe it WAS me who said that but you had me fooled. I think I didn't suspect you because you look like an 11 year old boy that is about twenty years from puberty. Do you even have armpit hair? No? I didn't think so. Not that it matters because I'm sure your new girlfriend quite enjoys your hairless, pre-pubescent body. And you may THINK that is jealousy but I assure you it is most definitely not. I prefer men who don't have to change their sheets daily from "accidents". But in all sincerity, you suck. You stated on Friday, December 18th, 2009 and I quote,

"I promise I'll do everything I can not to hurt you and I will never walk away."

Did you forget about that? I don't think you did. You never forgot anything we said to each other. I think maybe, just maybe, you...LIED....shocking, huh? Not that I care. I'm perfectly okay losing my bestest. I meeeeean, I'm sexy. I'm intelligent. I'm clever and witty and sarcastic and sweet and considerate and kind and popular and charismatic and fuckin' hilarious and so many other adjectives that I'm too modest to type. Now I have just one last thing I'd like to say and that is:

If I had a penis, I would tell you to suck it. Except you probably would enjoy it too much so I hope you get gout in your big left toe, your hair falls out by the time you're twenty-six, a rabbit furry rapes you in a dark back alley, and your testicles finally drop. Hugs and kisses for you, my bestest!!



**Names may have been changed to protect the not so innocent...
But they really weren't.

Reality, anyone?

Nowadays, we live in a world that can be as cold as an ex-lover's kiss. It's a harsh, cruel reality in which we live and some days it seems as if there is no point, no purpose, no reason for even getting out of the safety of our warm bed. And when we manage to drag ourselves out into it, we hear of victims who can't breathe without pain, families mouring one of their own, children dying in the streets. The news tells us daily of the innocents being slaughtered and the corruption that keeping the criminals repeating their crimes. We see pictures flashing across a lifeless screen of money, mugshots, murder, mayhem, madness. And we push it from our mind. We turn away and busy ourselves with meaningless little tasks. Should we choose to grace society with our company, we do so with deciet, manipulation, lies, corruption, betrayl, pain. We use others for our benefit and throw them away once they are thoroughly used up. Yes, the world is a cruel place because people exist.

Are you still reading?

Don't be mad. Don't be upset. You know the world can be exactly that. But you and I both know it is also more. It's waking up in your lover's arms to hear them say good morning with a smile meant just for you. It's giving your all of spare change and then some to the man on the street who can't afford shoes. It's running through a park in the middle of spring to feel the wind against your face and the sunshine raining down you. It's your favorite meal on your birthday. It's a smile from a stranger. It's a hug from your mom. It's a kiss from a baby. It's so much more.

Sometimes we forget this because we see the world through jaded eyes. We spend so much time lost in the bad, we forget the good. It's a sad truth but it's the truth nonetheless. So today I want you to take a second. Actually a minute or two. I want you to call your best friend just to say hi. Tell your parents how much you love them. Walk barefoot in the grass. Compliment a complete stranger. And remember the good, even when you're surrounded by the bad. Because haven't you watched tv or read a book? In the end, good always wins.